Something I Can Never Have"
by Efils God
Summary: A Yaoi fic about the O2 digidestined(Daikeru). It's a songfic using the song in the title. Rating is for "offensive" lyrics from Nine Inch Nails, as well as some angst from Takeru/T.K.


"Something I Can Never Have"  
  
By: The Teenaged Takeru  
  
Notes: This was only my second attempt at fanfiction ever, so it might not be as good as my more current stuff. It's Yaoi, so if you have a problem with that you can go away now. Like most of my writing it's a songfic, this time featuring "Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails(aka Trent Reznor). Lyrics appear in _italics._ This takes place during 02, before the group had defeated Ken. Hikari and Daisuke have gotten together.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Digimon or 'Digimon' itself, nor do I have any ownership of Nine Inch Nails or their song lyrics. I don't have much to give so even if you do sue me, you'll probably just get my immortal soul.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Takeru sat in front of the small fire that provided the only light for the new digidestined in the middle of a dense forest of the digiworld. To his left, Iori was trying to explain something to Mimi who was visiting from America. Takeru didn't really notice these two; his focus was across the fire where Daisuke and Hikari sat happily, holding hands, making little comments to one another on occasion. Takeru was doing his best to hold back any sign of emotion. 'God, I can't take this. Seeing Daisuke and knowing he belongs to Hikari,' Takeru thought to himself. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked on unblinkingly at the couple.  
  
_I still recall the taste of my tears  
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears  
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore  
Scraping through my head 'til I don't want to sleep anymore_  
  
"What's wrong, T.K?" The high-pitched sound of Patamon's voice using his childhood nickname broke Takeru's dead stare. As Takeru looked over at the Digimon, he saw that Mimi and Iori had noticed the way he had glared at the couple.   
  
"Nothin'. I was just thinking about 'nii-chan." Takeru's cover-up was  
accepted. It seemed logical to everyone that he'd be thinking about his brother, but in truth the closest he came was comparing his own situation with Yamato and Taichi's relationship. 'If I could talk to Yamato about it,' Takeru thought, 'he might be able to help me.'  
  
_Come on tell me  
Make this all go away, you make this all go away  
I'm down to just one thing  
And I'm starting to scare myself  
Make this all go away, you make this all go away  
I just want something I can never have  
_  
Takeru realized that Yamato's relationship with Taichi was different. While Daisuke and Taichi had a great deal in common, the fact was that Daisuke was straight. Takeru also thought on how Taichi and Daisuke had both been the ones who knew what to do more than the rest of the group. In a sudden breakdown of the moment's stillness, Daisuke detached from Hikari.  
  
"One of us should go out and look for more wood for the fire. And while they're at it some food would be nice." Happy to escape the situation, Takeru volunteered and headed off into the forests of the digiworld. Naturally, loyal Patamon followed his human companion into the darkness.  
  
_You always were the one to show me how  
Back then I couldn't do the things I can do now  
This this is slowly taking me apart  
Grey would be the color if I had a heart  
I just want something I can never have_  
  
Having noticed that Takeru seemed more withdrawn and quiet lately,  
Patamon decided to again see if everything was all right. "Are you sure nothing's bothering you, T.K.?" Patamon asked quietly, breaking the silence of their less than successful foraging journey. Takeru found himself no longer able to deal with hiding his secret, and telling Patamon was a lot easier than telling anyone else.   
  
"I love Daisuke," Takeru said, breaking down and sobbing as he said it.  
  
_In this place it seems like such a shame  
Though it all looks different now I know it's all the same  
Everywhere I look you're all I see  
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be  
_  
Patamon caught on to exactly what Takeru had meant. "You don't mean the same kind of love you feel towards me or your brother, do you?" Takeru only nodded his head in response.  
  
"What should I do, Patamon," he asked, still crying lightly. The small digimon didn't seem to know what to say. The question disappeared into the night's darkness and the foraging continued. A few minutes later, however, Patamon came up with a response.   
  
"Tell Daisuke about it. You'll never know until you try, and even if he  
doesn't feel the same it should still be good for you to have told him. He won't be bothered by it; he models himself after Tai, after all."  
  
_Come on tell me  
Make this all go away  
You make this all go away  
I'm down to just one thing  
And I'm starting to scare myself_  
  
Patamon and Takeru returned to camp, each carrying some small amount of both wood and food. Daisuke informed Takeru that he was taking the first night watch, and Takeru offered to watch second. When he took over the watch, Takeru figured he could tell Daisuke about his feelings. 'Maybe it'll work out like my brother and Taichi," he thought to himself. Takeru got up right on time to take over for Daisuke. As Daisuke went to turn in, Takeru spoke up. "Hold on, Daisuke, I have something to tell you."  
  
"What is it Takeru," Daisuke asked, hoping to find out why he had been acting so odd lately.   
  
"I...love-no...no-I, I'm attracted to you, Daisuke." As surprised as he was, Daisuke was able to act very calm.  
  
"I'm flattered Takeru, but I don't feel the same way. I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's all right, Daisuke, Don't be sorry about that." Takeru's response was genuine, but he began to cry again as he said it. Daisuke then took Takeru by surprise and hugged him. Takeru cried into Daisuke's shoulder while Daisuke told him that everything would be fine.  
  
_Make this all go away, you make this all go away  
I just want something  
I just want something I can never have  
I just want something I can never have  
_  
END. I hope you liked it...all comments(including total critisism) are  
appreciated.  



End file.
